"My House Was Surrounded By Cornfields and I Was Depressed"

So I live in Denver now, which is basically the Midwest if you ask the Californians that keep move here for some fucking reason. I was joking around with an old friend from Alabama about Midwest Emo songs being titled either extremely specific and nonsensical full-ass sentences, e.g. “We Made Love On The Sheets I Rubbed My Cheetos-Stained Fingers On” or just single words which are people’s names like “Rudy” or “Carissa.” This of course reminded me of Carissa - Sun Kill Moon.

This friend of course had to look through Mark’s disco and found the song “This Is My First Day and I’m Indian and I Work At a Gas Station” which is THE Midwest-est song title of all time.

Anyways, this all went down at my local bar which was hosting a Karaoke night after the Broncos game. It was a small gathering mostly inhabited by the servers/bartenders who had some interest in belting ABBA at the top of their lungs on company time (no shame). I was asked if I wanted to sing and I declined because “I don’t know anything but sad songs.” I don’t think they’d love to hear The Anvil Will Fall by Harvey Milk or Tango Till They’re Sore by Tom Waits.